Dealing with Conflict

The issue: A younger coworker who has recently graduated with a bachelor’s degree believes and acts as if she knows more about others’ jobs, classrooms and children in their care than they do. This younger co-worker, E, has never worked full time at the center, only returning to work on her breaks from college. This young woman attempts to take over any classroom in which she works by ignoring the schedule and applying her will. Most at the center would prefer not to work with her and few trust her.

The strategies:

                1-I would try to determine if E’s behavior is the result of a need that she is attempting to fulfill. For example, E may feel like she is not a valued part of the group at the center (which, overall, is a fact). Her behaviors may be her attempt to be of value to others. E may also feel that now that she has finished her education, she is entitled to a full-time position at the center as a lead teacher. Her behavior may be the manifestation of her desire to be a lead teacher. Once the source of E’s behavior is determined, I could explain to E how the end result of her behavior is counterproductive to her goals (becoming a valued part of the group and becoming a lead teacher) (http://www.cnvc.org).

                2-In speaking with E, I would focus on the issues, rather than engage in a personal attack on her (in spite of the fact that I don’t particularly enjoy her company). I would tell E that her behavior is unethical , unprofessional  and it causes disruption in any classroom in which she works. In attempting to take over classrooms, she compromises the quality of the children’s experience, the teachers’ efficacy and her own integrity. I would ask E  to mentally switch places with those that she is wronging in order to see her own behavior in another light (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009, p212).

Do you have any input regarding what I could do to deal with this specific situation?

Reference

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). “Foundations of NVC”.The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

          O’Hair, D., Wiemann, M. (2009). Real Communication: An Introduction. Bedford/St.Martin’s, p212.

Communication Skills Surveys

I found the communication skills surveys to be enlightening. Thus far, I've only persuaded the administrative assistant, Meem, (who works in the reception area with me) to complete the communication skills survey to rate my listening style, verbal aggression, and communication anxiety. The surveys are on my husband's honey-do list for this afternoon. Both Meem and I rated my listening style as Group 1. This group is people oriented. The descriptive qualities of this group include empathetic, inclined to build relationships and trusting of others. I am not surprised that Meem rated my listening styles similarly. A large part of my job is listening to others and supporting their efforts. On the verbal aggressiveness scale, Meem rated me as 52, a low level. The descriptors associated with this rating are respectful of view points, unlikely to attack others personally, likely to make gental suggestions. I rated my verbal aggressiveness as a 64, a moderate rating. This rating contains descriptors that include the tendency to argue fairly, maintenance of a balance of respect for the point of view of others. I am  both surprised and glad that Meem rated me as less verbally aggressive than I perceive myself to be. This tells me that I am conveying a less aggressive communication style [at least to Meem] than I believe. Meem rated my communication anxiety as a 46, a mild rating. I also rated myself as mild in communication anxiety, but with a slightly lower numerical value of 40. The mild category described my communication anxiety level as uneasy related to context and indicated that I don't worry a great deal about communication. I am not surprised that Meem and I rated my communication anxiety at the same level because the location of her workstation causes her to be privy to much of my communication with others.

One insight that I have gained as a result of this exercise is that I am not perceived to be as verbally aggressive as I believe that I am. This tells me that I am on the right track to benevolent communication. Another insight that I have gained is that perhaps my body language indicates that I am more uncomfortable communicating in small groups and speaking in large groups  than I believe myself to be. The professional and personal implications of these insights are that I am working in the right direction in reducing my verbal progressiveness and that I should more closely examine my body language when speaking in small groups and in public.

Interpersonal and Intercultural Communication

Adapting one's own communication to their communication partner's style of communication is an important practice. Without proper adaptation of communication style, miscommunications can occur causing the cessation of communication (Vukovic, 2008, p49-50). I find myself, for the most part, mirroring my communication partner's tone of voice, level of vocabulary, formality of speech, posture, and cadence of speech. This changes when I am not trusting of my communication partner or if I have no previous knowledge of my communication partner. Those who I do not trust are met with formality regardless of the aforementioned factors.

At work, I communicate differently with each of the different groups with whom I interact. For example, when I encounter those who hold positions that are bracketed higher than my own in the corporate hierarchy, my posture, tone and vocabularly are friendly, but formal. My wish is to project and image of intelligence, capability, and reliability. When dealing with trusted colleagues, my level of communication is much less formal. I might lean in to meet them, whisper, silently mouth words that cannot be said around children, use euphemisms, nicknames, or reveal emotions that I dare not reveal with those who I do not trust. I might greet a trusted colleague with a "What's up girl?" or "Hey, hey, hey!". My aim, along with conveying friendliness and trust is to be accessible and easy to talk with. I also try to convey my genuine affection for my coworkers. I am the liasion between the staff and the director, whose work often keeps her sequestered in her office or away at meetings. Within certain predetermined parameters, I am able to make decisions to assist the staff, gather information and contact parents on their behalf as well as help them in very hands-on practical direct care of the children. When communicating with parents, I am more formal in every way than when I communicate with my trusted colleagues, but less formal than when I communicate with those higher up on the coporate ladder than me. I am friendly and accessible, but professional. I also serve as the liasion between the director and parents. These interactions and the necessary adaptations are an example of communication accomodation (Bebe, et al., 2011, p112).

I enjoy dallying at my favorite coffehouse in my spare time. Although I visit with the regulars, I enjoy starting conversations with complete strangers. My opening line is usually, "So, what are you thinking about these days?". It's informal in tone and language and requires a more than one word response. This is an example of seeking information and asking questions (Bebe, et al., 2011,p105). The responses that I've received have ranged from boyfriend woes and frustration about difficulty finding a job to conspiracy theories about historical events. In spite of the fact that I may think differently about a topic or disagree with the speaker's point of view, When I open these conversations I try to listen effectively and employ other orientedness.  When an empathetic ear is required (it is surprising to me how much strangers open up in casual conversation), I do my best to provide understanding and commiseration. I learn a lot about life, others and myself as a result of conversations with strangers. I enjoy interacting with people. I met my husband when I engaged him in one such conversation (Bebe, et al., 2011, pp105, 111-12).

References
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Baconpp,pp 105, 111-12 
Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

Week 2: Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

I chose to view The Big Bang Theory episode, “The Prestidigitation Approximation”. With the sound off, I observed the non-verbal communication more easily than I did with the sound on. In the opening scene, a male and a female character were cuddling in bed. The male character’s expressions were noticeably more tentative than the female character’s expressions. The male character squinted his eyes and smiled tightly. His body postures and movements were also tentative. The female character was very self-assured. Her body seemed relaxed and her facial expressions confident.  The female character’s movements were more deliberate and punctuated than the movements of the male character.

When I watched the same segment with the sound turned on, I learned that my observations were pretty spot on.  The male character, Leonard, is a nerdy, tentative person. Leonard’s speech sputters like  the engine of a motor boat. He is not the dominant person in the relationship. The female character, Pria, is very self-assured, intelligent and suave. She speaks smoothly, evenly and with confidence. Leonard feels unworthy of Pria. Pria manipulates Leonard’s feelings to get him to do her bidding.

I think that the reason that the non-verbal and verbal cues were consistent is due to the quality of the cast’s acting.

A Model of Competent Communication

When I think of competent communication, I think of my yoga teacher, Jeff. Jeff has a kind, attentive, calm, and open demeanor. He is very present. When Jeff looks at a person, he really sees the person. He listens more than he talks. Jeff listens patiently without acknowledging potential distractions. He thinks about what he has heard and asks relevant questions. When Jeff responds, he speaks deliberately, weighing his words and maintaining eye contact with the listener. I would like to model these behaviors that Jeff exhibits. It is not often in life that we really see another person. The experience of truly being seen is unique and rare. I would like to be present enough to see others. I would like to be able to listen wholly and without distraction. I think that this sort of attention to the needs of others is like a gift that you give to them. Competent communication improves the quality of human interaction. It is a worthy aspiration.