Communication Skills Surveys

I found the communication skills surveys to be enlightening. Thus far, I've only persuaded the administrative assistant, Meem, (who works in the reception area with me) to complete the communication skills survey to rate my listening style, verbal aggression, and communication anxiety. The surveys are on my husband's honey-do list for this afternoon. Both Meem and I rated my listening style as Group 1. This group is people oriented. The descriptive qualities of this group include empathetic, inclined to build relationships and trusting of others. I am not surprised that Meem rated my listening styles similarly. A large part of my job is listening to others and supporting their efforts. On the verbal aggressiveness scale, Meem rated me as 52, a low level. The descriptors associated with this rating are respectful of view points, unlikely to attack others personally, likely to make gental suggestions. I rated my verbal aggressiveness as a 64, a moderate rating. This rating contains descriptors that include the tendency to argue fairly, maintenance of a balance of respect for the point of view of others. I am  both surprised and glad that Meem rated me as less verbally aggressive than I perceive myself to be. This tells me that I am conveying a less aggressive communication style [at least to Meem] than I believe. Meem rated my communication anxiety as a 46, a mild rating. I also rated myself as mild in communication anxiety, but with a slightly lower numerical value of 40. The mild category described my communication anxiety level as uneasy related to context and indicated that I don't worry a great deal about communication. I am not surprised that Meem and I rated my communication anxiety at the same level because the location of her workstation causes her to be privy to much of my communication with others.

One insight that I have gained as a result of this exercise is that I am not perceived to be as verbally aggressive as I believe that I am. This tells me that I am on the right track to benevolent communication. Another insight that I have gained is that perhaps my body language indicates that I am more uncomfortable communicating in small groups and speaking in large groups  than I believe myself to be. The professional and personal implications of these insights are that I am working in the right direction in reducing my verbal progressiveness and that I should more closely examine my body language when speaking in small groups and in public.

Interpersonal and Intercultural Communication

Adapting one's own communication to their communication partner's style of communication is an important practice. Without proper adaptation of communication style, miscommunications can occur causing the cessation of communication (Vukovic, 2008, p49-50). I find myself, for the most part, mirroring my communication partner's tone of voice, level of vocabulary, formality of speech, posture, and cadence of speech. This changes when I am not trusting of my communication partner or if I have no previous knowledge of my communication partner. Those who I do not trust are met with formality regardless of the aforementioned factors.

At work, I communicate differently with each of the different groups with whom I interact. For example, when I encounter those who hold positions that are bracketed higher than my own in the corporate hierarchy, my posture, tone and vocabularly are friendly, but formal. My wish is to project and image of intelligence, capability, and reliability. When dealing with trusted colleagues, my level of communication is much less formal. I might lean in to meet them, whisper, silently mouth words that cannot be said around children, use euphemisms, nicknames, or reveal emotions that I dare not reveal with those who I do not trust. I might greet a trusted colleague with a "What's up girl?" or "Hey, hey, hey!". My aim, along with conveying friendliness and trust is to be accessible and easy to talk with. I also try to convey my genuine affection for my coworkers. I am the liasion between the staff and the director, whose work often keeps her sequestered in her office or away at meetings. Within certain predetermined parameters, I am able to make decisions to assist the staff, gather information and contact parents on their behalf as well as help them in very hands-on practical direct care of the children. When communicating with parents, I am more formal in every way than when I communicate with my trusted colleagues, but less formal than when I communicate with those higher up on the coporate ladder than me. I am friendly and accessible, but professional. I also serve as the liasion between the director and parents. These interactions and the necessary adaptations are an example of communication accomodation (Bebe, et al., 2011, p112).

I enjoy dallying at my favorite coffehouse in my spare time. Although I visit with the regulars, I enjoy starting conversations with complete strangers. My opening line is usually, "So, what are you thinking about these days?". It's informal in tone and language and requires a more than one word response. This is an example of seeking information and asking questions (Bebe, et al., 2011,p105). The responses that I've received have ranged from boyfriend woes and frustration about difficulty finding a job to conspiracy theories about historical events. In spite of the fact that I may think differently about a topic or disagree with the speaker's point of view, When I open these conversations I try to listen effectively and employ other orientedness.  When an empathetic ear is required (it is surprising to me how much strangers open up in casual conversation), I do my best to provide understanding and commiseration. I learn a lot about life, others and myself as a result of conversations with strangers. I enjoy interacting with people. I met my husband when I engaged him in one such conversation (Bebe, et al., 2011, pp105, 111-12).

References
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Baconpp,pp 105, 111-12 
Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

Week 2: Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

I chose to view The Big Bang Theory episode, “The Prestidigitation Approximation”. With the sound off, I observed the non-verbal communication more easily than I did with the sound on. In the opening scene, a male and a female character were cuddling in bed. The male character’s expressions were noticeably more tentative than the female character’s expressions. The male character squinted his eyes and smiled tightly. His body postures and movements were also tentative. The female character was very self-assured. Her body seemed relaxed and her facial expressions confident.  The female character’s movements were more deliberate and punctuated than the movements of the male character.

When I watched the same segment with the sound turned on, I learned that my observations were pretty spot on.  The male character, Leonard, is a nerdy, tentative person. Leonard’s speech sputters like  the engine of a motor boat. He is not the dominant person in the relationship. The female character, Pria, is very self-assured, intelligent and suave. She speaks smoothly, evenly and with confidence. Leonard feels unworthy of Pria. Pria manipulates Leonard’s feelings to get him to do her bidding.

I think that the reason that the non-verbal and verbal cues were consistent is due to the quality of the cast’s acting.

A Model of Competent Communication

When I think of competent communication, I think of my yoga teacher, Jeff. Jeff has a kind, attentive, calm, and open demeanor. He is very present. When Jeff looks at a person, he really sees the person. He listens more than he talks. Jeff listens patiently without acknowledging potential distractions. He thinks about what he has heard and asks relevant questions. When Jeff responds, he speaks deliberately, weighing his words and maintaining eye contact with the listener. I would like to model these behaviors that Jeff exhibits. It is not often in life that we really see another person. The experience of truly being seen is unique and rare. I would like to be present enough to see others. I would like to be able to listen wholly and without distraction. I think that this sort of attention to the needs of others is like a gift that you give to them. Competent communication improves the quality of human interaction. It is a worthy aspiration.

Last Post for Perspectives on Equity and Diversity

One hope that I have regarding working with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds is that the need for staff development in the areas of equity and diversity will be recognized. I think that the more education we have in these area, the better our mastery of the language associated with issues of diversity and equity. Familiarity with the language of diversity  and equity begets more conversations about these topics. An increase in conversation leads to an increase in familiarity and comfort with these issues. If we are comfortable addressing issues associated with diversity and equity, the children will also be comfortable with these topics. This is the first step toward  greater equity and a greater enjoyment of diversity for upcoming generations.

A goal that I would like to set for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity and social justice is for character education to be included in all early childhood curricula. Character education teaches children how to behave ethically in society. Ethical behavior and compassion are two essential qualities of responsible, socially conscious citizens.

Thank you, dear colleagues, for your support, frank opionions, feedback and for sharing your experiences. I think that, although I have been in classes with some of you since the beginning of our degree program, that we have gotten to know one another exponentially in this class. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

A New Student from India

I will have a new child in the program from India

Preparation:

1-Make contact with the family – When a child enters a program at the early childhood center where I work, the question, “What is the best way to contact your family?” is always asked. This is how we learn which forms of contact are comfortable, accessible and acceptable to the family.

2-Ask questions-What language is spoken in the home? What is the composition of the family within the household? Who makes the decision in the house? What is the family’s religious affiliation? Are there any dietary or limitations or restrictions? What are the family’s expectations regarding the child’s education? What is the level of involvement that the family would like to have in their child’s education?

3- Research further based upon the information provided by the family- How is respect conveyed between teachers and children in their culture? What rituals can be worked into the day to help the child feel more comfortable? What are the rituals surrounding mealtimes, rest time?

4-Provide information to the rest of the staff at the center-Before a new child arrives at the center, an email is sent to all staff that delineates all of the information that the staff needs to know about the child and family. If necessary, conduct an in-service in order to educate the staff about the particulars of the family’s culture.

5- Include artifacts, literature, props and materials in the classroom that relate to the child’s culture- Based upon the information derived from the research and the conversations with the family, search for and include items in each of the classroom centers that will be familiar to the child and items that will also reflect the child’s culture.

6-Speak with the students about the new child and provide any information that will help the children to make friends and relate to the child- It is important to include the children in the classroom in the arrival of the new child. Preparing them for the child’s arrival will ease tensions on the first day and give the children information that will allow them start a conversation with the new child.

I think that these preparations will benefit the staff in that we will know what to expect from the family and child on that important first day. Also, it will allow us to serve the family in whatever way they need us. Preparation will help the child in that, hopefully, he will feel more comfortable in his new environment. The children in his class will be more likely to approach and befriend him if they are included in the preparation and have information about the new student. The preparation will help the family in that they will feel valued, empowered and respected by the staff because time has been taken to learn about them and accommodate them.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice and Oppression

You may have read about my most recent experience with prejudice, bias and oppression on one of the recent discussion boards. This summer, I attended a [voluntary] family picnic for the center at which I am employed. It was 99 degrees F, so I drove back to the center to pick up our kidwash sprinkler so that the children could cool off. While I was assembling the kidwash, my supervisor's supervisor spied my tattooed arms. Unbeknownst to me at the time, she'd had a visceral reaction to my tattoos. Several days later, at the end of the day, I was called to my supervisor's supervisor's office. This was never a good thing, since she is not the type of person to commend people, however, I did not know what the problem could possibly be. Once in her office, she began to tell me that she felt that I must be not want to be in the field of early childhood because I had tattoos. She also characterized me as depressed and self-destructive. She never asked to look more closely at my tattoos or inquired as to why I had decided to get them. I could not believe that this was happening at the time. There was and still is no policy regarding tattoos or piercings at my workplace. Honestly, if I'd had a recording device or a witness, I would have filed a complaint with the Human Resources Department. Since my supervisor's supervisor is one of the owners of the company, it's not likely that I would have gotten anywhere.
     This incident caused me to feel unfairly judged and marginalized. I felt that all of my hard work throughout the four years that I have been employed at the center was completely nullified simply because I have tattoos. I felt that I was instantly demoted as a life form in her eyes because I have ink decorating my skin. Initially, I felt surprised and dumbfounded. I did not know what to say. Now, about 6 months later, I have completely lost any feelings of basic respect for this woman. I feel that she behaved as a bully. I am still very angry about the incident. Any encounters that I must have with her are mechanical, impersonal and robotically polite on my end. She is overly friendly, but has never apologized and probably never will. I believe that this woman's attitude (and that of conservative society) will have to change in order to refrain from judging people based upon their looks. While tattoos were once only found only on prisoners and in freak shows, they are now commonplace and part of a prevalent culture. I think, that, for my part, I should confront this woman in order to facilitate a learning experience for her and a better understanding of the source of her prejudice for me.