Adapting one's own communication to their communication partner's style of communication is an important practice. Without proper adaptation of communication style, miscommunications can occur causing the cessation of communication (Vukovic, 2008, p49-50). I find myself, for the most part, mirroring my communication partner's tone of voice, level of vocabulary, formality of speech, posture, and cadence of speech. This changes when I am not trusting of my communication partner or if I have no previous knowledge of my communication partner. Those who I do not trust are met with formality regardless of the aforementioned factors.
At work, I communicate differently with each of the different groups with whom I interact. For example, when I encounter those who hold positions that are bracketed higher than my own in the corporate hierarchy, my posture, tone and vocabularly are friendly, but formal. My wish is to project and image of intelligence, capability, and reliability. When dealing with trusted colleagues, my level of communication is much less formal. I might lean in to meet them, whisper, silently mouth words that cannot be said around children, use euphemisms, nicknames, or reveal emotions that I dare not reveal with those who I do not trust. I might greet a trusted colleague with a "What's up girl?" or "Hey, hey, hey!". My aim, along with conveying friendliness and trust is to be accessible and easy to talk with. I also try to convey my genuine affection for my coworkers. I am the liasion between the staff and the director, whose work often keeps her sequestered in her office or away at meetings. Within certain predetermined parameters, I am able to make decisions to assist the staff, gather information and contact parents on their behalf as well as help them in very hands-on practical direct care of the children. When communicating with parents, I am more formal in every way than when I communicate with my trusted colleagues, but less formal than when I communicate with those higher up on the coporate ladder than me. I am friendly and accessible, but professional. I also serve as the liasion between the director and parents. These interactions and the necessary adaptations are an example of communication accomodation (Bebe, et al., 2011, p112).
I enjoy dallying at my favorite coffehouse in my spare time. Although I visit with the regulars, I enjoy starting conversations with complete strangers. My opening line is usually, "So, what are you thinking about these days?". It's informal in tone and language and requires a more than one word response. This is an example of seeking information and asking questions (Bebe, et al., 2011,p105). The responses that I've received have ranged from boyfriend woes and frustration about difficulty finding a job to conspiracy theories about historical events. In spite of the fact that I may think differently about a topic or disagree with the speaker's point of view, When I open these conversations I try to listen effectively and employ other orientedness. When an empathetic ear is required (it is surprising to me how much strangers open up in casual conversation), I do my best to provide understanding and commiseration. I learn a lot about life, others and myself as a result of conversations with strangers. I enjoy interacting with people. I met my husband when I engaged him in one such conversation (Bebe, et al., 2011, pp105, 111-12).
References
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Baconpp,pp 105, 111-12
Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.
At work, I communicate differently with each of the different groups with whom I interact. For example, when I encounter those who hold positions that are bracketed higher than my own in the corporate hierarchy, my posture, tone and vocabularly are friendly, but formal. My wish is to project and image of intelligence, capability, and reliability. When dealing with trusted colleagues, my level of communication is much less formal. I might lean in to meet them, whisper, silently mouth words that cannot be said around children, use euphemisms, nicknames, or reveal emotions that I dare not reveal with those who I do not trust. I might greet a trusted colleague with a "What's up girl?" or "Hey, hey, hey!". My aim, along with conveying friendliness and trust is to be accessible and easy to talk with. I also try to convey my genuine affection for my coworkers. I am the liasion between the staff and the director, whose work often keeps her sequestered in her office or away at meetings. Within certain predetermined parameters, I am able to make decisions to assist the staff, gather information and contact parents on their behalf as well as help them in very hands-on practical direct care of the children. When communicating with parents, I am more formal in every way than when I communicate with my trusted colleagues, but less formal than when I communicate with those higher up on the coporate ladder than me. I am friendly and accessible, but professional. I also serve as the liasion between the director and parents. These interactions and the necessary adaptations are an example of communication accomodation (Bebe, et al., 2011, p112).
I enjoy dallying at my favorite coffehouse in my spare time. Although I visit with the regulars, I enjoy starting conversations with complete strangers. My opening line is usually, "So, what are you thinking about these days?". It's informal in tone and language and requires a more than one word response. This is an example of seeking information and asking questions (Bebe, et al., 2011,p105). The responses that I've received have ranged from boyfriend woes and frustration about difficulty finding a job to conspiracy theories about historical events. In spite of the fact that I may think differently about a topic or disagree with the speaker's point of view, When I open these conversations I try to listen effectively and employ other orientedness. When an empathetic ear is required (it is surprising to me how much strangers open up in casual conversation), I do my best to provide understanding and commiseration. I learn a lot about life, others and myself as a result of conversations with strangers. I enjoy interacting with people. I met my husband when I engaged him in one such conversation (Bebe, et al., 2011, pp105, 111-12).
References
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Baconpp,pp 105, 111-12
Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.
Wow, Careyann. What a great opening line. Sounds like good fodder for a book. Do you journal some of the 'out of the box' responses? The Beebe, Beebe and Redmond (2011) warned about the 'good old boy' approach. But if we are too careful we lose out on great opportunities. My second semester here my company sent me to Taipei. After a month the Fellowship I joined sent a team down to the earthquake center of 6 months before. Most of the team went on a day trip while I stayed behind at the temporary housing site. I started picking up garbage with a big black garbage bag and praying for these people and this area. That opened the door to the most fantastic days of my life. I am told that is considered rude to pick up someone else's garbage in this part of the world. If I had followed that idea, I would have missed out on the best! Look forward to the book.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, Bobbie! You are right, some of the responses would make great entries for a coffee table book or a blog. I could call it Coffeehouse Ramblings or Sh*t People Say to Complete Strangers in a Coffeehouse. :) Thanks for the idea!
DeleteCareyann,
ReplyDeleteI am envious of your outgoing communication style with strangers in the coffee shop. I have never been the type of person to strike up a conversation with a stranger. However, my father-in-law could sit down with any person and start chatting away about anything at all. I'm not sure if it's a generational thing or not, but it always impresses me. However, he certainly does not worry about how they perceive him or what he has to say although he appears to be aware of their reactions.
As the other person/stranger, I would be hesitant to engage in a conversation with you. In my mind, I would be trying to figure out why you are interested in talking to me or what your motivation was for engaging in conversation. Do you ever meet anyone like me?
Sometimes I do meet people who are reluctant to answer my initial question. I am able to talk to anyone about anything and I delight in that. I usually start debates with the other regulars at the coffeehouse and engage in some good-natured teasing. These habits have earned me the nickname of "Trouble" as in "Here comes trouble!". My nickname is very tongue in cheek. I think that these greetings and the fact that I visit with all of the other regulars makes me unintimidating and shows that I am simply a social person in this context.
ReplyDelete