I live in rural Northern New York. Small town life has its
benefits and detriments. One characteristic of life in a small town is that
everyone is aware of everyone else’s business. Nine years ago, a local resident
began undergoing the process of gender reassignment. He began taking hormones; dressing and living as a woman. This person,
who was known as Francis, sought to be identified as Francine. This was, of
course, public knowledge. My then 3 year old son, Jem, and I once shared an
elevator with this person in the Medical Arts Building of our local hospital.
Jem asked, “Why is that man dressed like a girl?”. To this, I responded that
the person was a woman, not a man. Jem insisted that the person was a man
dressed like a woman. I remember once again contradicting Jem’s observation and
distracting him by giving him a lollipop from my purse. I apologized to
Francine. She smiled back at me, but the pained look on her face said it all. I
felt horribly for her, but could not be upset with my son for telling the
truth. At that time, Francine was a
man dressed as a woman. A message that Jem might have received as a result of
his interaction with me is the feeling that his instincts were wrong, or that
it was okay to not tell the truth. Overall, I think that Jem was confused.
An experienced anti-bias educator might have a conversation
with Jem about the characteristics that determine gender; mainly anatomy.
Additionally, it would be wise to discuss that identity involves one’s own idea
of himself based upon thoughts, feelings and behavior. I think that, although
it would be difficult for the child to comprehend fully, an honest answer might
be enough to satisfy rather than confuse him (as did the contradiction that I
put forth at the time). I should have told Jem that Francine has the same parts
as all boys, but feels more comfortable dressing as and identifying as a woman.
So, out of respect for Francine and her choice, we should think of her as a
woman (Derman, Sparks and Edwards, 2010, pp94-95).
Reference
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J.O.(2010). Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves.
NAEYC: Washington, DC.
Careyann,
ReplyDeleteChildren use their observation to make sense of what they see. Some may say it verbally, while others may not. It is only when they understand differences and similarities among people they would be able to construct healthy positive, and respectful attitudes to others.
Yes, you were in a difficult situation at the time. I think that honesty would have been best for your son at the time. And, yes, being four years old he probably would have still been confused. I imagine that with time you felt comfortable explaining about the difference in gender identity as your child got older and I think that this is based mainly on the family of when to go into details. "Gender role expectations vary from family to family within a culture and from cultural group to cultural group" (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 91). Also Derman-Sparks & Edwards (2010) mentions "young children struggle with many issues as they attempt to understand what being a girl or boy means" (p. 91).
ReplyDeleteWow what an experience. It reminded me how open and honest little people are. Although it may have been uncomfortable for you and the other person your really have to appreciate the honesty of the child. Thanks for sharing.
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